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Missing Her


June 7, 2018

I read the text message as it came across my phone today and could hardly believe it. A friend from my former district was reaching out to tell me about the passing of an incredible woman I used to know. I read the text to myself and took a deep breath. This week has already been a tough week personally and this is the drop that causes the bucket to overflow.
I begin to hold back tears. It's the last straw for my heart. I feel selfish for even being stuck in the problems of this week. Those problems aren't real pain. Thinking of her saying goodbye to her family, her beloved daughter and husband --- that's pain. Real, actual, pain.

I thought about this incredible woman and how she always made time for me when she saw me in my previous community. Our kids grew up together and were very close for some of that time. She treated my son like her child and made room for him with her family on a whim's notice. She and her husband were always so kind to him. To me. I began to recall beautiful Christmas cards and an ornament she once gave me. 




I thought about this woman and how much she battled her illness. She's been sick for so long but pushed through it with support of her family and a mom's resilience. Moms know what I am trying to describe here -- that dig deep for your child stick-with-it-ness.

The guilt is there. I haven't seen or spoken to her or her husband in over a year. I knew she had been sick but I always assumed she was invincible. She always had been. All this time. Always pushing through with the most sincere spirit.

I thought about how little she required of me. The relationship between both of us really had no strings. In all of our years interacting, she never asked anything of me. Her amazing daughter attended my school and if she had questions about anything school related, she gave me the benefit of the doubt each time. She'd build me up every time I saw her as if she knew I needed some kind of spirit re-calibration.

I have had other people come into my life and require so much more and take so much more often without the mildest form of reciprocation. I think about what a real blessing knowing her was. I think about what a missed opportunity I had in that friendship and allowing it to become so temporary. It's a loss I will carry with me for some time...a very long time.

Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood

Comments

  1. UnknownJune 17, 2018 at 11:43 PM

    Beautifully stated about a very special woman. Even as a teenager she was always building up others. She was passionate about living each day and she was taken much too soon. I love the song.

    ReplyDelete

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