Second Chances

"Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting 

some kind of battle." -- JM Barrie

As educators, I think we each bring our own set of successes and regrets to our practice. Many of us entered education in tribute to those amazing teachers that made us feel special. Others entered education to provide a better experience for students (than we had). Either reason has merit and can provide purpose. As I've gotten older, I've realized that many of my life experiences have helped me in my work likely more than I would have understood 10 or 20 years ago.

One of the most frequent criticisms I hear about my own practice as a principal is I give too many second chances. Some don't believe in second chances. If there is any chance that a student might improve, I'll likely grant the opportunity.

Second chances are a must in our business. Second chances almost always require honest conversations and I usually feel (hope?) more can be learned from a conversation than just a consequence. Sometimes, it's not just the student that learns something in the conversation. Sometimes, it's me.

Recently, a teacher escorted a student to my office. The student was clearly upset. Every question I posed her way only seemed to agitate her more. She called me names and threatened to rip papers. More than anything she just wanted to just go home. But then something changed. Calmly she looked down and slowly brought her hands to her face.

She began to whisper about how much she missed her dad. She felt left out and alone. Her dad moved out of town and had remarried and this young lady felt pushed out of the picture. By now she was crying.

"I know how that feels.”

She looked at me like I was a wearing a funny costume.

"I know how that feels. I've been there. I know, I know, I am just an old principal to you but I can remember growing up and thinking how much I wished my Dad wanted me in his life. But, he never did. He had a different life and I wasn't a part of it."

She stopped crying and was just focused on my words.

We spent some time after that talking about how important it would be for her to talk to her mom and her dad about how she was feeling. I also spent some time telling her about all of the strengths she had. I needed her to see the promise she held.

As she walked back to class, I briefly wondered if I had told her too much about me. Growing up without a dad wasn't something that I talked about too often and I certainly hadn't planned to talk about it that day with her or with anyone for that matter.

I think there are times in all of our lives, at all of our ages, when we need to feel like others understand and we are not alone. And sometimes, we aren't ready to learn from a consequence as much as we are ready to learn from a conversation. The more I listen to the students I work with, the more I am reminded how much strength, love, acceptance and direction they pull from their parents. It truly is immeasureable.

Just assigning a consequence and overlooking the opportunity of a conversation would have prevented that lesson from being learned. This conversation taught me much as both Principal and Mom. Thank goodness for second chances...for all of us.

http://www.wingclips.com/movie-clips/kramer-vs-kramer/why-mommy-left