I've led a pretty predictable life when it comes to acceptance. I'm a middle aged, white female who has not had to personally deal with too much hate. Discrimination? Yes. Hate? No...or at least not that I was ever aware of.
Disagreements? Yes.
Misunderstandings? Yes.
Being underestimated? Yes.
Losing loyalty of others? Yes.
Hate? No.
Over the course of the last few years, and even through others' eyes, I have begun to see things differently. I've had it easy in some arenas. I've spent most of my life fitting in the boxes, working hard, and meeting career goals. The same isn't true for some of the other children and adults in my school and personal life. They can not fit into boxes and that confuses people. They see things so differently and that frustrates some on the outside looking in. If I had a nickel for every time someone has said, "If only he/she would act like the other..." or "I wish you'd just do this...".
Recently, due to an unfortunate situation, I was put on the receiving end of a big shipment of extreme dislike. As I stood there processing the verbal attack, I felt frozen. Fear has a way of taking over your senses. It impacted my ability to think clearly and react thoughtfully. I wasn't used to being in that situation. However, I do think that being in a leadership position opens you up to more criticism than is openly discussed.
As the days passed and I processed the incident, I was able to see that the "dislike" directed towards me wasn't something I had control over.
The only thing I had control over was how I responded to it now and how I would react moving forward. I won't use this post to discuss those details. The ephemeral incident is resolved. The purpose of the post, instead, is to encapsulate the reflection this caused.
I was also eventually able to see that the person who was angry with me wasn't likely angry with just me. He/She was dealing with their own ups and downs. Like we all do...every single one of us. I think part of that feeling --- of intense anger --- is wrapped up in the not knowing. I think frustration is born out of not understanding. I think we all need to be heard, understood, and validated at different points in our lives.
When we are angry, we THINK we know what we know. But, do we really? There is usually so much more to a situation after the dust settles...on both sides. Invariably, after a few days, our perception of the conflict softens. We notice more of the important parts of the picture instead of just the details that were right in front of us at the time.
Sometimes I wonder if events are brought to us, to happen to us, in an effort to develop our skills in empathy.
I also think meanness can have varying levels and I was only akin to a lighter level. Many others endure more than that at heavier and even sadly, more persistent, levels. I also think most of the negativity I'm privy to is a result of fear. Many fear what they do not understand, feel threatened by or can not control.
Additionally, some of the negativity that comes my way is not all mine. I work in a profession whose public image has never been more tarnished than it is right now. It can be tough to push through that day in and day out but we do as best we can.
When I signed up to be a leader, I realized there would be difficult conversations and difficult decisions. They are rarely easy but are always required. Luckily, those are few and far between the positive ones.
These kind of takeaways helps us in our work for others moving forward. It strengthens our resolve to do what is right for many -- and not just ourselves.
Disagreements? Yes.
Misunderstandings? Yes.
Being underestimated? Yes.
Losing loyalty of others? Yes.
Hate? No.
http://cliffymania.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Definition_hate.png
Over the course of the last few years, and even through others' eyes, I have begun to see things differently. I've had it easy in some arenas. I've spent most of my life fitting in the boxes, working hard, and meeting career goals. The same isn't true for some of the other children and adults in my school and personal life. They can not fit into boxes and that confuses people. They see things so differently and that frustrates some on the outside looking in. If I had a nickel for every time someone has said, "If only he/she would act like the other..." or "I wish you'd just do this...".
Recently, due to an unfortunate situation, I was put on the receiving end of a big shipment of extreme dislike. As I stood there processing the verbal attack, I felt frozen. Fear has a way of taking over your senses. It impacted my ability to think clearly and react thoughtfully. I wasn't used to being in that situation. However, I do think that being in a leadership position opens you up to more criticism than is openly discussed.
As the days passed and I processed the incident, I was able to see that the "dislike" directed towards me wasn't something I had control over.
The only thing I had control over was how I responded to it now and how I would react moving forward. I won't use this post to discuss those details. The ephemeral incident is resolved. The purpose of the post, instead, is to encapsulate the reflection this caused.
I was also eventually able to see that the person who was angry with me wasn't likely angry with just me. He/She was dealing with their own ups and downs. Like we all do...every single one of us. I think part of that feeling --- of intense anger --- is wrapped up in the not knowing. I think frustration is born out of not understanding. I think we all need to be heard, understood, and validated at different points in our lives.
When we are angry, we THINK we know what we know. But, do we really? There is usually so much more to a situation after the dust settles...on both sides. Invariably, after a few days, our perception of the conflict softens. We notice more of the important parts of the picture instead of just the details that were right in front of us at the time.
Sometimes I wonder if events are brought to us, to happen to us, in an effort to develop our skills in empathy.
In that uncomfortable moment, I connected with the pain of others who stood before me on the receiving
end of mean words. This is not to say all of us who have been there have felt the same thing. It is to say, however, that we've felt the very real pain of being misunderstood and even, if I am honest, feeling alone and vulnerable.
I also think meanness can have varying levels and I was only akin to a lighter level. Many others endure more than that at heavier and even sadly, more persistent, levels. I also think most of the negativity I'm privy to is a result of fear. Many fear what they do not understand, feel threatened by or can not control.
Additionally, some of the negativity that comes my way is not all mine. I work in a profession whose public image has never been more tarnished than it is right now. It can be tough to push through that day in and day out but we do as best we can.
http://static.oprah.com/images/quoteables/quotes-control-reduced-maya-angelou-480x480.jpg
These kind of takeaways helps us in our work for others moving forward. It strengthens our resolve to do what is right for many -- and not just ourselves.
"Put a rainbow in someone else's cloud." - Maya Angelou
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nYXFletWH4
Lisa,wow, such an honest, transparent, and powerful post! You are a true leader, and that shines through in your voice. Thank you for sharing and for making me push to be better, ever day.
ReplyDeleteDennis
Hey Dennis, this one was tough to put to paper but I felt others might be able to relate to it. Thank you for taking time to comment.
ReplyDelete