Raising a child is never easy and rarely looks like a Hallmark card commercial. Yet, such lessons can be gleaned from the privilege of being a Mom (and Dad). At a very early age, I realized my son was here to teach me lessons. Most of the lessons tie to themes of patience, acceptance, tolerance, and faith. Luckily, I have pretty solid skills in acceptance and tolerance. But faith and patience? I've needed many lessons to improve in these areas.
Near the end of the school year, my son came home with a summer camp registration form. He was on cloud nine and so excited to sign up. It was a form for field hockey camp. Wait. Field hockey camp? I thought to myself, "I think that's for girls". I did not say that out loud to him. I began to ask him why he wanted to sign up and if he had thought about possibly being the only boy there. We talked at length and the details I'll keep private as they are his. By the end of the conversation, I signed the form and told him he had my blessing to sign up. He was elated. This was the first time I had seen him excited about a sport!
The next day at school, I had the opportunity to talk to the coach overseeing the program. In the back of my mind, I worried about how this conversation would go. Not everyone can accept Sam's pushing and acting outside the box. Luckily, she immediately took that worry from me. She showed no reservation about Sam participating in the camp. She told me of other young men that had played field hockey before. She taught me about field hockey in other countries. In talking with her, I pretended like it wasn't a big deal for me.
That was a lie.
When Sam said he was going to play field hockey, I worried. I didn't worry about the sport or having the skill to play. I worried about him being picked on or misunderstood by others. I worried he would be hurt by mean comments, looks, or whispers. I worried there would be tears --- lots of them, his and mine.
But that didn't happen.
The other students and coaches made room for him in the camp and he never reported feeling misunderstood or picked on by anyone. Over the week, his confidence improved on the field too. I enjoyed hearing his stories about the other athletes in the camp and their skills. From his stories, it sounds like he had the chance to play with some pretty skilled (in heart and in athletic ability) players! I could not be more thankful for such an incredible coach and the staff she assembled for this week.
In a parenting article I recently ran across, it stated that sports teach kids at least three life skills:
Near the end of the school year, my son came home with a summer camp registration form. He was on cloud nine and so excited to sign up. It was a form for field hockey camp. Wait. Field hockey camp? I thought to myself, "I think that's for girls". I did not say that out loud to him. I began to ask him why he wanted to sign up and if he had thought about possibly being the only boy there. We talked at length and the details I'll keep private as they are his. By the end of the conversation, I signed the form and told him he had my blessing to sign up. He was elated. This was the first time I had seen him excited about a sport!
The next day at school, I had the opportunity to talk to the coach overseeing the program. In the back of my mind, I worried about how this conversation would go. Not everyone can accept Sam's pushing and acting outside the box. Luckily, she immediately took that worry from me. She showed no reservation about Sam participating in the camp. She told me of other young men that had played field hockey before. She taught me about field hockey in other countries. In talking with her, I pretended like it wasn't a big deal for me.
That was a lie.
When Sam said he was going to play field hockey, I worried. I didn't worry about the sport or having the skill to play. I worried about him being picked on or misunderstood by others. I worried he would be hurt by mean comments, looks, or whispers. I worried there would be tears --- lots of them, his and mine.
But that didn't happen.
The other students and coaches made room for him in the camp and he never reported feeling misunderstood or picked on by anyone. Over the week, his confidence improved on the field too. I enjoyed hearing his stories about the other athletes in the camp and their skills. From his stories, it sounds like he had the chance to play with some pretty skilled (in heart and in athletic ability) players! I could not be more thankful for such an incredible coach and the staff she assembled for this week.
In a parenting article I recently ran across, it stated that sports teach kids at least three life skills:
- Goal Setting
- Overcoming Adversity
- Building Character
This week wasn't about running around with a stick and a ball learning the best way to dodge. This week was about all three of those life skills and more. It was another lesson in faith for me.
Another honest reflection Lisa! I think the more honest we all are in our posts the more we can learn from each other. Having faith is very difficult, but our kids usually show us that they are stronger than we are. I always look forward to learning from your posts because you share so freely! Thank you. Your son is very lucky!
ReplyDeleteThank you Jon. I have Sam's permission to blog about it thankfully. A trusted friend of ours once told me that I am certainly not alone in these reflections and that there are other parents facing the same situations. I write about this and other things to help show how similar we all really are. At least that's my hope, anyway.
DeleteLisa,
ReplyDeleteI have been coaching wrestling at the high school level for a number of years, and decided to step away this year to focus on my doctoral work. However, I still ended up taking over our pee wee wrestling program because it was a less of a time commitment. Being a teacher at the middle school, I had an 8th grade female who said she wanted to wrestle because she wanted to take on a new challenge. I’ll admit, I was leery about a female wrestling (being a Dad of a little girl and knowing how middle school boys act) on our team.
However, I decided to sit down with her and talk with her why she wanted to suddenly come out and wrestle. She told me she was not worried about being “different,” and wrestling would look good on her activity record as she prepares for college (you have to love a child already excited about college). She went on to share her research about wrestlers who went onto be Marines, Navy Seals, and hold numerous high positions in society.
In return, I shared with her about the dedication and work ethic it would take to wrestle (especially the social consequences among her peer group). It was rough for her at first, but she showed up every day with a smile, gave 110% daily, and ended up winning a handful of matches over boys. I always checked myself to make sure I was treating her equal to the others, and she wouldn’t want it any other way.
This young lady exemplifies the characteristic of a wrestler and citizen of her school.
It was a learning experience (for both of us).
Thanks for sharing your experience.
-Brian
Brian, she sounds like an incredible young lady. I am better for knowing your story. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment.
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