I have spent a large part of the last 34 years trying to do right by students, staff, and families. Sometimes, I’ve been highly successful at that, and other times, I’ve fallen short of goals that deserved to be met. Falling short is never a good feeling and can be one we rarely have forgiven ourselves for no matter the time passed.
I continue to learn more about the impact of trauma on students (and adults) and how trauma responses like freeze, flight, and even fawn persist in a person, no matter their age. Until very recently, I kept what I knew professionally separate from what I knew personally—or so I thought.
After years of research and advocating for others, something finally clicked in my brain regarding this work. How we, as EDUCATORS, choose to respond to threats or perceived trauma is not always within our control—even when we’ve read about and studied trauma. For one reason or another, a phrase, a word, a condition, an event, or even a smell can trigger our body’s response before we can send the message to our brain to choose a different response.
At our baseline, we know the correct responses to choose. But when we’re not at baseline, what we "know" is to protect ourselves, which leads us to freeze, flight, fawn, or other responses.
I have times when I find myself somewhere between freeze, fawn, and flop, depending on the situation.
According to WebMD, "The fight response is your body’s way of facing any perceived threat aggressively. Flight means your body urges you to run from danger. Freeze is your body’s inability to move or act against a threat. Fawn is your body’s stress response to try to please someone to avoid conflict." Flop is a complete shutdown or even dissociation.
These reactions can remain buried in memories from situations many years ago, but when stress or doubt arises, something from the past can push its way to the front of the line in the present. It’s rather rude, in fact—the way that memory/response cuts into our express checkout line (with more than ten items, I might add!), assuming that memory/response deserves a part in this response.
In the midst of the trauma response, imposter syndrome also sneaks in through the back door. I’ve shared these thoughts with a few other female leaders, and they admit similar struggles. We are trying so hard to do the best work we can—both professionally and personally—while also trying to heal from our past experiences and hopefully prevent them from being repeated. It can be a lot! And when we let down our guard or lose focus, we can become trapped (sometimes temporarily) again.
The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized that it’s important to admit these thoughts out loud and talk to trusted individuals about them. When we don’t allow shame or fear to become our armor (thank you, Brene Brown, for that lesson), we can reduce imposter syndrome’s dark shadow.
It is in these moments that I try to let myself acknowledge the feeling. Once I’ve acknowledged it, talking it out with a trusted person helps the most. Almost every time I reach out to someone I trust, I hear the empathy in their voice and realize that I am not alone. We are all doing the very best we can on any given day. And good days look differently for all of us no matter our level of experience. True empathy—without sympathy and judgment—is the secret antidote to staying stuck and not moving forward.
It’s taken me way too long to learn this AND to routinely practice it; to speak life. So, if you are someone in my circle that needs a thought partner, call on me. That will help me know I can call on you when needed as well. And, if you're not in my circle yet and should be, reach out.
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