Guest Post : Hugging the Porcupines

Guest Post by Erin McMahon, M.S., 
Board Certified Behavior Analyst, NYS Licensed Behavior Analyst

I recently walked into a classroom and immediately dodged a series of flying wooden blocks. The student throwing them was too young to yet write their whole name, still sporting Velcro sneakers. I followed the student when they opened the door and fled the classroom and went into another room.

“Hey (name withheld for privacy), what’s going on today?” I asked, kneeling on the floor near the student.

“I’m not going back. My class is f---ing boring,” was the reply.

A plan was made with the unwavering support of the classroom teacher, administrators, and school mental health professional. We contacted home and outside service providers. The next day was better. Each day since then has given everyone hope. There will be setbacks, but connections have been made. The plan didn’t happen overnight but the entire team invested in the student.

Fast forward to students whom are ten years older than this little one.

I was sitting in on a meeting about a group of students whom had been brought up as a topic of concern. Some of the adults kept referring to the students as “those kids”.

“Those kids” who don’t always attend classes, “those kids”  who say hurtful words to teachers, and “those kids” who are extremely disconnected from the school community.

“Those kids” at school are the students I work with every day. Some of them have a decent home life and others face challenges many of us cannot even imagine. We have students who have survived trauma and many continue to exist in it. And while it doesn’t define who they ultimately become, it sure does influence how they interact with the world. Some of them probably would like to participate in extracurricular activities and feel more connected to the school community, but there are barriers- they go right to work after school, they are responsible for getting home before their younger siblings get off the bus and they care for them until bedtime, they have their own children to care for, they are homeless, they don’t have transportation, they don’t have the money it takes to buy necessary materials to participate (and their pride will not allow them to admit to it). One incredibly resilient young man I know works as many hours a week as he can so that he is able to financially support two households. Not one, two.

Mental health is talked about more today than it was when I was in high school in the 1990s, and that is important progress. Still, we have a long way to go to get to a point where everyone who encounters “those kids” has the tools and desire to support them and their learning. There is still stigma associated with mental health diagnoses and privacy must always be respected. Adults might not always know a student’s full story, but there are simple things we can all do without knowing all the details.

• Approach students with respect. Starting a conversation with a sincere greeting and asking a question leads to better relationships and results than immediately placing demands.
• Know your students, but know when to back off. Learn to read body language and know what you’re showing with your own. See Peter DeWitt's blog post (2014) for more perspective on body language.
• Model the behavior you hope to see from students. Don’t get angry if it takes the whole school year to get a polite greeting or a “thank you” from a student. When it happens, it will be so worth it.
• Understand that our priorities are not everyone’s priorities. Most adults who work in schools highly value education, which is awesome. It isn’t the reality for all families, and that’s ok- sometimes basic needs and survival are the main focus for people. It all matters. Your personal values are not necessarily superior to those of another.
• Reach out for help, even if things aren’t at a crisis level. School mental health professionals can give strategies, reach out to students, help with referrals to outside providers when needed, and help support you on the front lines. Work as a coordinated team. The biggest improvements I’ve seen students make is when an entire team is on board to support the student and help change behavior.
• Be patient. Behaviors with a long history of reinforcement take a long time to change. Intervening will likely cause things to get worse before getting better. If your “good morning!” is met with unkind words or gestures or you are ignored, try it again the next day and the next week and the next month. The student will eventually return your kindness and it will be so worth the effort.
• Try not to assume that nothing is being done to address a difficult situation. There may be lots of work going on behind the scenes that you aren’t aware of. We should all try to communicate more. Some things cannot be shared, but others can.
• Choose your battles. Improvements are made with mutual trust and respect, and we have to let some minor infractions go until major needs are met. If a conversation needs to be had, try to do it when the student is calm and more willing to participate.

For more information on mental health statistics in children, see Child Mind Institute's 2016 Children's Mental Health Report. A few noteworthy and relevant components of the report are below:

• “Children struggling with mental health and learning disorders are at risk for poor outcomes in school and in life, and outdated approaches to discipline are only making matters worse. Instead of putting kids further at risk, schools should be identifying and supporting at-risk children. A widely deployed, integrated system of evidence-supported, school-based mental health and preventive services is needed. If we want to help our children and our schools, we cannot wait.”
• “One out of every five children in the U.S. meets criteria for a major mental disorder.”
• “70.4% of youth involved in the juvenile justice system meet criteria for a psychiatric diagnosis(source), and 68% of state prison inmates have not completed high school.”
• “Schools must continue to innovate and integrate approaches to school-based mental health — bringing the systemic focus of programs like PBIS into closer alignment with intensive individualized interventions while encouraging developmental awareness through early screening and progress monitoring.”

We do so many of these things already, and thankfully the school district where I work has taken a progressive and serious approach to mental health. I am always in awe of the number of adults willing to step up and step in for students. I hope that feeling of hope never dissipates.

Our job is to keep believing in all kids, to continue to give chances, to focus on small improvements, and to show compassion even in difficult situations.

“Those kids”, even the porcupines, are counting on us.

An Innocent Man - Billy Joel

"I'm not above doing anything

To restore your faith if I can

Some people see through the eyes of the old

Before they ever get a look at the young..."

Sources

2016 Children's Mental Health Report. (2016). Retrieved March 02, 2018, from

https://childmind.org/report/2016-childrens-mental-health-report/

DeWitt, P. (2014, June 10). Body Language: What Are We Telling Our Students? Retrieved  March 02, 2018, from http://blogs.edweek.org/edweek/finding_common_ground/2014/06/body_language_what_are_we_telling_our_students_1.html