Reflections

One of my favorite games at a fair or amusement park is the one that involves shooting water straight at a balloon target. That target helps the horse move up the pole. It takes a laser focus and unwavering aim to win that game and watch your horse slide to the top. Over the years, it's become the one game I still play. I know the rules, I know the technique and I usually have a chance at moving that horse. Up until this year, I felt the same way about leadership. With over 10 years in teaching and over 10 in administration, I've been fortunate to have this career. With each step I've made beginning in Indian Lake, NY and ending here, I've learned from every experience and have tried to use that in the next step of the journey. I can still fondly recall so many from each school I've been in that (still) impact me and my practice. Taught me so much. Helped kids so much. So, it would seem I would feel more successful than I really do right now. Perhaps, it'...

The Urgent Care doctor seemed incredibly concerned. Instead of treating us there in her office, she instructed us to gather our things and prepare to go to the Emergency Room. Emergency Room? That didn't sound right. And in a split second, what I thought was likely a benign, treatable illness had become something so much more. With her one comment, my mind sped forward 2000 scenes and it was a new movie, new script, and a sad ending. There was nothing she said in particular at that moment that made me create this new movie, it was all in my head. But, it felt so much more like nonfiction than fiction.  Thankfully, the ER doctor took some time assessing the situation and determined there was not a cause for grave concern. But in that long hour, between Urgent Care and ER, trepidation had already painted some scenes and had already staged them out in my mind. Places everyone! Shame on me. I knew better than that. I know that positive thoughts always make the biggest impact....

He quickly dismissed the idea of an anxiety disorder being real with one big blanket statement to the group gathered at the table. The mother, at a nearby table, overheard his remark and wanted so much to say something but couldn't.  She wanted to tell him how real the panic attacks are. She wanted to tell him how manic the text messages can be when her daughter is in crisis. She wanted to tell him about the sobs and tears expressed about never being good enough or understanding what needed to be understood.  She wanted to tell him about the periods of faintness and nausea that sometimes arrive with an anxiety induced episode.  She wanted to ask him if he knew what it felt like not to be able to catch your breath in public places.  She wanted to tell him all this and more but couldn't.  As she shares her story with me, I become frustrated. I am frustrated for the mom. I am frustrated that just because someone doesn't have experience with a disorder, t...

It was the end of a long few days. Days that felt fuller of mistakes than accomplishments. Days that felt bumpier than they needed to be. I was saying good night to a colleague and caught myself almost commenting about how hard this job is. And in that thought, a split moment, my mind hit rewind like an old cassette tape. Back to the third grade and I am writing about how I wanted to grow up and become a teacher. To me, there was no greater goal than to become an educator. And then, I'm remembering watching my mom and her struggle through grueling jobs like waitress, chambermaid, bartender and cashier. She worked long shifts and often without full compensation due. She'd come home, worn out and dog gone tired. Those were hard jobs. I was only having a hard day. The field I've worked in since 1992 isn't my job. It's a calling. As cheeky as that sounds, how fortunate have I been to work in a field I so admired since age 8? The experience didn't come with...

When I was a Middle School Principal, I worked closely with our school counselor. In so many ways, he was my right arm. We touched base nearly every morning and tackled any pressing items that were on deck, problem solved solutions for students,  and discussed what we were seeing from each of our lenses as people in our school community. We led student conferences, co-taught team building lessons to kids and facilitated discussions with groups of students on various topics as issues would arise within our school. There was a time we found out about a crazy you tube video that was circulating that kids were watching at home and repeating. We pulled groups of kids together and talked about the dangers of it. There were other times where we saw a group of girls repeatedly using derogatory words towards each other. We held a girls group session over two recess periods to talk about female empowerment and the strength and weakness in the words we chose. The list of our mini sessions i...

She had called to tell me about the mistakes the young man had made. We were both advocates for this student but it seemed that each time he successfully completed three steps forward, he'd take five steps back. On the surface, it almost looked deliberate. As if it was a test of our character to still believe in him or to let him go. We agreed that this incident might better become a life lesson for him and that as much as we wanted to will him into not acting this way, we didn't have complete control over his responses. He'd learn through that response and these were the years when we wanted him to learn all this and not later in life or never. She promised to be there for him to help him process the decision he was making even if it was the wrong one.  Naysayers will proclaim he never deserved the chance we were giving him. I've been thinking a lot about the topic of equity lately...as it relates to so many things: school funding, resources, gender, race, reli...

Some of my best conversations are with colleagues in similar positions in other districts. At this time of year, many of us are reflecting on how the year went. We share successes and not so successes. Some of us share plans about moving on to a different district while others of us find resolve to do better right where we are! I recently read this post by Jay Posick and was struck by how many of his goals could easily be mine. I used to be part of a #middleleaders voxer group with Jay and I can tell you one thing. He sets the bar HIGH for himself. I'd listen in time and time again and realize he was crushing it as a principal, as a human being. There was so much more I could be doing and did because I learned with Jay. Jay's goals are organized around 3 ideas: Be Better for Kids Be Better for Staff Be Better for Families I really like the way he organizes the action steps around each. His post then reminded me of a chalkboard I once saw at an exhibit in Dollywood...